I Thought I Could Fly So Why Didn't I Drown
by madisoncunningham1
Summary: The "I'm Sorry" haunted the both of them through the night, and the early hours. Jay had left to clear his head. He headed for Will's while Erin was home. Hoping and wishing he'd be back. A friend had come back and talked to the two of them.. Their one day wasn't enough... to do anything but separate. Alternate Ending. ONE SHOT!


"I'm sorry." The events of that night were a blur to the two of them. Erin hadn't stopped shaking. Her whole body ached.. It was just a heartbreak but the kind when you know you're in love.. The kind where your smile covers your entire face because they are your entire world. Erin Lindsay was in love, if you would have asked her years ago what love was.. She would've shrugged her shoulders and walked away but she knows what love is. His cologne covered the room her nose enjoyed the smell.. The aroma took over.. Suddenly she missed him.

The "I'm Sorry" Replayed in her head moment after moment.. She couldn't do anything about it.. Jay had decided he needed a break, to clear his head. Figure out his life… Because he thinks his girlfriend can't handle it, can't handle what he went through. He bottled up his feelings and let it out on a bottle of scotch. That's all he knew what to do he thought.. But it wasn't.. He had become something other than being known as the guy with a bottle and a mouth that never shut. For two years his life had consisted of bar fights, sleeping around with women he'd only met once, punching the wall. Blaming himself for what had happened overseas.

Jay couldn't get the memories out of his head they were all flowing and racing through his mind like a tornado ripping through a forest.

He didn't even look at his brother as he walked into the door carrying his bag. He put it down then walked into the kitchen and grabbed a beer. He sat down on the couch and started sipping it. Will had the BlackHawks game on. Will was standing in the kitchen watching his little brother.

"Oh come on! This is bullshit." Jay shouted

Will stood there with his arms crossed. "You know what is bullshit Jay? You leaving your girlfriend. I know you need to clear your head but I sure as hell am not going to sit here and let you do it with a bottle of beer. I let you stay because I know how much you don't want to tell anyone about your past. What happened. I get it. I really do. But you can't do it with a bottle. That isn't going to save you. You gotta let someone in. Whether it's me or Erin. I can't play the messenger going back and forth. I know you love her because I see the way you look at her. I know you don't love Abby sure you did a while ago. But Erin is the one who owns your heart and I know how much Erin means to you. Just the way you talk about her. Jay if this is what you want I'll stand behind you. But you're not just going to do it with a bottle."

Jay looked up at his brother and kept drinking the beer. "I'm sorry Will."

"You have nothing to be sorry for Jay." Jay stood up and Will pulled him in for a hug.

"Erin loves you and she deserves to know something. I'm not trying to make you tell her everything."

Erin stood watching the door waiting for it to open. It never did. She wished he would come in and pick her up on her toes and kiss her. Tell her everything is okay. Everything will always be okay.

But it's reality and she had no hope he would. She heard a knock on the door and hoped it was him. She opened it and it was his best friend MOUSE.

"Jay isn't here.." She spat

"Oh.. Erin.."

"Yeah?"

"What's wrong? I can tell you're not okay." Erin smiled a bit

"Jay he.."

"Left." MOUSE said ending her sentence.

"Yeah. Did someone tell you to come?"

"I had come back in town last week. I planned on seeing you guys. But I couldn't. WILL called.. he told me. I'm going to talk to him. Erin he loves you and don't ever deny it because it's true."

"Mouse if you see him. Tell him I miss him. I don't get why he would want to leave.. but I understand. He needs to clear his head."

"He he got like this after we came back. He wouldn't speak to me wouldn't eat. He'd sit there on his couch for days drinking out the bottle of scotch."

"He told me he would blackout drink."

"Yeah. Vegas came around and Erin it was a spur of the moment fling. It was Vegas.. He loved her but he loves you even more. He would tell me 'MOUSE you gotta meet her. She's beautiful she's the nicest person I've met in so long. Her heart oh my gosh it's full of gold. She's going to be the woman I marry.'" Mouse smiled "The way he talked about you. I KNEW IT was going to be something special.. He doesn't love Abby. He never did, as much as he loves you. I'm going to talk to him. I thought you'd want to know that."

Erin looked up at Mouse and smiled. "He really said that?"

"He tells me everything.. We haven't spoken in a while. The missions out there consumed my life. I couldn't facetime."

"He loved talking to you.. The smile on his face. It was the biggest I've seen.."

"When he talked about you his smile was ear to ear.. He really does love you Er. Whether you wanna admit it. He just needs some time to clear his head. I don't know if he is going to spiral I can't tell. I hope to god he doesn't but that bastard is stubborn as hell."

"He is.. When we have kids they'll be so screwed." Erin laughed

"They will be, but they'll be lucky to have you and Jay as parents. I've never met two people more made in love than you two. It's something special.."

"Hey Mouse.. Can you talk to him? I know you can get through to him."

Mouse walked to the door. "Yeah. I can.." Mouse walked out of the door and to his truck. He pulled out and drove. Boy did he miss Chicago. He'd grown up here since he was born and his life didn't mean anything till he stepped on the plane for the first time headed towards Iraq. His first tour.. The tour where he met Jay.

Mouse stopped at his best friend's brother's apartment and took a deep breath before he knocked.

On the other side Jay was sleeping on the couch and Will was watching a movie. He didn't hear the door but Jay did. He drunkenly got up and opened it.

"Hello?"

"Jay…" Mouse trailed on

"Mouse? What are you doing here?"

Mouse took another deep breath.

"You shouldn't be doing this man."

"I don't need you telling me what I shouldn't be doing."

"You told me what I shouldn't be doing I'm returning the favor. Jay I care about you. You're my best friend. Erin cares about you she deserve a damn explanation if you're not gonna give her one GODDAMNIT at least tell her it's over."

"I love her but I'd rather this instead of hurting her. I can't have her.."

"Can't have her what??

"Know about my past. It's not something I want shared to the world. She's the only girl who's just been there. I don't want to lose her I just want to protect her."

"Jay she's not going anywhere. You handled her dirty past she can handle yours. This isn't fair. I'm all for you taking a break clearin' your head but if you're going to do this instead of clearing it up with her. It's bullshit."

Jay sighed and shrugged his shoulders. "She does deserve an explanation. I'm not ready to tell her what happened.."

Mouse and WILL both threw their arms up. "You don't have to tell her." The both of them said

Jay grabbed his keys and walked out the door. "Is he alright to drive?" Mouse asked

"Jay I'm gonna drive you. You've had too many drinks.."

It was nearing 2 am, Erin Lindsay was half asleep watching a movie she'd found on HBO. She heard a knock and immediately her head shot up. The sound of knocking scared her but she hoped it was who she thought it was. When she got to the door she took a deep breath and opened the door.

Their eyes lingered and gazed. Once Erin registered who it was her smile became noticeable and her heart raced faster and the aroma of his cologne came back. Full force

She sniffed it and felt safe again. She could survive without him but with him he made her feel complete full, protected against all evil. He walked closer and pulled her up in his arms containing her whole body against his. holding tight. He held her head with one arm while the other held her body against his. He smelled her perfume the wild smell of honey, and sweet Georgia tea filled his nose and while it did his smile got bigger.

"I'm sorry. I left. I didn't realize how much I needed you." He said before lifting her head up into his and giving her a kiss

"You don't have to be sorry.."

"Oh but I do. I love you more than anything. I just need to clear my head. I'm not gonna leave you. I had some help.." He laughed and his laughed echoed through the apartment. She had missed his laugh and his smile for once she needed to hear it to feel content again.

"If you need to leave to clear your head. I won't be mad. You deserve that.. you don't have to tell me what happened ever. When you're ready I'm here."

"I'm not ready for you to know. Not yet. But I think I will eventually."

"Maybe one day you will." She said

"Oh definitely.." he said before giving her one last kiss.


End file.
